I believe that every act of theologizing is an autobiographical act. One cannot detach from our own subjectivity, experiences, history and socialization to theologize ex-nihilo. I bring all of myself to this enterprise. If, as Saint Paulâ€™s states, I move and find my being in God who traverses being, then all of me plays an integral part in grasping what little I could grasp of God. So it is important then to set up the location from where I speak, although I will not go into the fullest of my own personal make-up and mystery. I speak from the posi- tion of having been stung by the question of God. I, like the Psalmist, thirst and desire God.
My first thought of God comes from practicing the old Puerto Rican tradition of asking my parents and older relatives for a blessing â€œÂ¿La bendiciÃ³n?â€ to which the relatives will re- spond â€œQue Dios te bendiga.â€ As I reflect on this practice (which I continue with my kids), my first experiences of God were not through explanation of Godâ€™s existence of what God might be, but in an action from God. There is quite an intense spiritual reality at the core of this act of love and respect that kids engage with older family members. The child ask for words of blessings, words of comfort, and protection, something that the adults defer to God,as the one who can make those things happen. Que Dios te bendiga verbalizes the desire that the adult relatives have for the child to experience wholeness and goodness.
As I grew up, I pondered the question of what is that which adults say gives the blessing. The answer continually was God the Father, which was a bitter image for me to consume. God, as the father who might be the one bestowing a blessing, was complicated for me in my early years. It was difficult for me to correlate the goodness of the Father in the dysfunctionality of my father. And yet, in an enigmatic way, this woundedness plowed the way for me to be open to encounter the Father through the redemption of my own father. Although, I have entered into a healthy approach of God as Father, Son and Holy Spirit, my thirst for God is not satisfied. I am constantly propelled and drawn to peel concepts and ideas of God. My own sense of call to ministry comes out the woundedness of a God who keep prodding me to undo my notions of God.