Here I am again, where I have been before, struggling about participating in a faith community a.k.a. church. This gets harder because for the last 4 years I’ve been an eucharistic christian and my belief is that I need to come to the Lords table, not alone but with others. My understanding of my relationship with God is personal and communal.
About 3 years ago I discovered with the help of an spiritual friend, that I have been seduced by Anglicanism and my theological perspective were Anglicans. That was not new, I was flirting with The Episcopal Church (TEC) at that time. I also have a strong bend to the Anabaptist vibes and praxis. Now I am pretty much dating TEC and I have even considered marrying it (going through the process of Ordination). But I struggle with how political and bureaucratic the institution of the church is.
This is when I am tempted to throw the towel and start thinking about maybe is time to pick up that church planter passion I had 6-7 years ago. Maybe I should start thinking of a new expression, simple and contextual of church for my family a some friends around. But this thoughts do not last for very long, because then I realize that the church is not a Kwik-E-Mart franchise. So here I am again, between my desire for a less institutional expression, but with even stronger desire for accountability and history.
It always surprise me how many people have their doubts about Ricci’s and my capacity and responsibility in doing home education with our kids. We have studied, plan, prepare and discerned about it. Plus Ricci was a trained school teacher for several years. But it surprise me even more to find out that some of the people who are concern about our homegrown little education experiment, they themselves have picked up the a little how-to-do church box and are “doing church by themselves as the Spirit as their guide.” This I find strange.
In the past I struggle with the network concept of Spiritual formation, it seemed to me too consumeristic, in which people were able to choose according to their needs. But I’ve grown to appreciate that model as I engage in different relationships around Seattle and beyond. It is not so much about choosing according to my needs, but according to relationships, spiritual gifts, calling and discernment. While The Mustard Seed House is my spiritual home, I am also part of several other spiritual communities.
I’ve been here before and I will be here again. So I am in no hurry of finding a solution to my “problem” right away. The tension have help me to not become complacent and to dig deeper.